Covid-19 is not something I’d wish on anyone. But this virus and stay-at-home order has provided me with something I haven’t had since I was very young- downtime. My book is almost out, my website’s been updated, and I don’t have any presentations coming up. So my focus (beyond my kids) is getting some new clinical training, and working on my relationship. With my horse. As you know, Octavia’s been with me a year (in a few days!) and finally I’ve decided to ask for her to stay forever. I know I may never be able to ride her the way I envisioned, or show her or do a lot of things we “expect” to be able to do- but I am committed to her and building the best relationship I can. Whether it includes riding or not I think is up to how well this goes, and how much we enjoy it together.
It’s strange how the two things I’ve put my energy into over Covid- Octavia and clinical training, have curtailed so smoothly. One training I’m preparing for is Natural Lifemanship, the Intensive. A few years ago, I went through the Fundamentals course and it’s only been in the last year or so it’s really clicked in. The biggest barrier I think is my background in horse training. There is so much to LET GO of in that field, to truly focus on the relationship between horse and self. If training is your goal, then Natural Lifemanship isn’t for you. If relationship is your goal, then I highly suggest checking it out- the workshops are not just for mental health professionals but horse professionals as well. The other is Rapid Resolutions Therapy. Although it doesn’t outwardly relate to horses, the focus on multi-level communication with the brain has really helped clear me in my work with Octavia.
In practice, I believe relationship trumps principle. I believe in putting my energy into showing that I’m connected and love my kids, for example, rather than I’m right and I’m the mom. At least, I try- if it’s after 9 pm I make no promises! Yet I would step into the round pen with my horse, and it would be principle- principle- principle- this is what I need as an end result. And all she did was dissociate and comply.
Fast forward to now, and her resting her head on me as I think Let Go Let GO LET GO…….and I feel a sense of relief wash through her. I think, somehow, she knows I’m done with that. She has choice. I have boundaries, but I am not setting boundaries. If we can’t keep ourselves safe when we do things together, then we will find other things to do.
For all the horses I have spent time with in my life, those I’ve been fortunate to call my own, those I’ve trained, or taught with- I am sorry. I apologize for not listening. I apologize for any compliance you felt obligated to give. I vow to be a listener, and not a director, of the horses I interact with from now on, and I wish for you to find the same in a human partner. Instead of sitting in the “If I knew then what I know now” wagon, I’m going to get up and put energy into being a better partner for my horses from here on out.