There’s nothing like those moments on the back of a horse when everything is working just right and you can just melt into the harmony of perfect connection. Growing up with horses since I was 4, I have had that experience many times. Since I had kids and went back to school, I have had less opportunities to enjoy that feeling. I’ve also noticed on and off again as I’ve found the time, that as I get older, that love and connection seems a little muddled with fear.
There is still joy but I have found at times, because of past experiences, because of obligations and responsibilities in my life, that complete freedom to let go on horseback isn’t as easy as it once was. Granted, I don’t own my horse but I have had opportunities to ride the same horse over a period of time. What I did experience, recently (last week!), was quite extraordinary though.
I’ve been riding my friend’s horse, Cowboy, here and there for about 6 months. Not very often, but enough that’s I’ve gotten to know him and feel “pretty confident” up there. The other day it was beautiful outside, sunny, a little breeze, no bugs or dust. My friend was watching as I rode him first. We warmed up and then started some trot-halt transitions. We were so attuned- his ears were posed, just waiting. I didn’t think, I knew he was totally in tune with me and enjoying the moment. We moved on to some canter-halt transitions and I barely had to do anything but sit and think it and he effortlessly paused, waiting again for the next command (my friend has done some good work with this boy!). There were four wheelers buzzing around that day and people driving in and out of the barn driveway but we stayed completely synced. I was tracking right in the canter and smiling and suddenly had one of those moments of clarity- there was absolutely no anxiety. Where had it gone? My last horse I owned had helped imbed it pretty deep into my core, no doubt. Then Cowboy flicked an ear back at me, like what are thinking about right now, and I realize- when we were connected, I had no fear- no anxiety. We were in this together, for better or worse, and my amygdala/survival instincts felt completely relaxed and at ease. Maybe this is how my ancestors felt crossing terrain on horseback as a daily life skill. Anyway, a lot of things clicked into place with me that day.
As a therapist, I am constantly exploring client’s connections, relationship patterns, and their fears. Cowboy helped me see the direct correlation between real connection and dissipation of fear and anxiety. I’m going to have to sit with this one a bit more and find a way to help clients experience this too. In the meantime, I highly value the opportunities in life I’ve had to get to where I got that day on Cowboy’s back. Thanks, Universe.